I Saw You

I saw you today.
I did.
It wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. No matter how much I hate you, You are always there. Always watching. Always with that..... face. That nose that seems to big for your face. That double chin. God, you sicken me. I hate when I see you. It ruins my day every time. Why do you look back at me? You disgust me. Your clothes don't fit right, yet you wear them anyway. You fat jiggles and it makes me hate jello. You need to just.... go away. Leave my sight. No one here wants to look at you. No one likes you. No one cares about you. Go Away. If I turn away from you now, maybe I won't see you again today and my day will get better. Hopefully.

Today you caught me off guard at the coffee shop.
I told you I didn't want to see you. Yet there you were. Under the bright lights of that shop. It was too early for me to see you, but the dark brought you out. It made me almost spit up the coffee that was supposed to start the day off right. Why in the world would you ever think you could pull off that hair-do? It pulls all the hair away from your face. It makes you more able to be seen. No one could drink their coffee or eat their scones because they were to busy running away from the monstrosity that was there in that room. The rain outside the shop only seemed to highlight how you made us all feel. And the way that the wet made the shirt stick to you made your horrible rolls stand out. Put down the doughnut fatty. Learn the word "diet" and save us all before you eat a small country.

Really? Again you are here?
You never cease to amaze me. You just seem to always be where I want you the least. Today you were staring at me in the bathroom! Those eyes that are surrounded by face fat. You have no place to try. You are a horrible beast to look at. Why would you even come out into public? Go hide away and don't darken my life any longer!

Why are you HERE?
You surprised me today. I never thought that I would see you in that doorway. Are you seriously thinking about going inside? You must just need the bathroom. Cause that jiggle gets to moving on a treadmill at that gym and the WORLD is gonna shake from the force! I can just see it. You are gonna try to step on the belt and it is gonna groan and pop off. You are going to step on that scale and it is going to tell you "One at a time please"

Again you are here at the coffee shop.
I am so done looking at you. I mean, now you are wearing a tight shirt on PURPOSE? Why does anyone wanna see you in that? You need some self respect and stop trying to be something you are not. Yoga pants are NOT for you. See that jelly doughnut? You just take that and hide in a corner. You'll feel better, trust me. No? Fine, but I am telling you, what you are trying to do, isn't gonna work.

STOP LOOKING AT ME.
I am done seeing that double chin! You keep staring at me! Don't pretend to be mad. You know I am just telling you the truth! that treadmill you keep climbing on? It isn't going to help anything. You are not getting anywhere! That bar you keep pushing? It isn't gonna do you any good if you don't learn to push away from the table fatty! If you are gonna stare at me anyway, how about we go for pizza when you stop fooling yourself with this gym thing.

Stop putting on the tight shirts!
Seeing your arms, no. Just no. I am getting sick just watching that fat move... Hey, isn't that the shirt you started at the gym in? Didn't the arms of that cut off circulation at that time? When did it start having a gap? Why does it take you so long to workout? You used to be in and out in 15 minutes, now I don't see you for a good 30 minutes.

Hey, there you are. It has been a few days.
I still hate you. I really do. The way you shake when you walk, It used to make me giggle. It is silly to keep trying. It's hard and you don't wanna keep going. Just saying. You need my truth. You need to know that you are still not attractive. You never will be. This isn't worth the pain.

I saw you today.
Something was different. Did you get a new haircut? No, that's not it. Did you change your hair color? No..... Are you..... Are you wearing MAKEUP? Do you think that will HELP? Cause... Polish a turd, it's still a turd darling. I will say though, I had never noticed the gold ring in your eyes. So, you got that going for you.

God. Just stop.
I am done looking at you again. I tried. I really tried to look at you. All I could see was the skin flapping at your armpits! Wait... flapping? It was hanging there... Not... Not fat. It was skin... Which seriously, you looked like you are melting. You need to go. My lunch is trying to make a re-appearance. Just stay away. I just can't deal with you today. Or any day for that matter.

There you are again.
I don't know why I keep seeing you go through this door. I swear, there are days I think I see you here twice or even three times! The gym is not your social hour. No matter how many men are coming over to help you load the weights on the bar. No matter how many of them are smiling at you when you walk in. They just see the funny movements on the machines that are comical to say the least. They feel sorry for you. So they teach you. They only wanna make themselves look good for helping out the uneducated.

Who was that? I KNOW it wasn't you.
How do I know? Because those are toned arms. Something you don't have. There are muscles that you can see in those arms. That isn't you. You. You have "bat wings" You have skin hanging off of you at this point. Even with loosing all that weight. You still look like the devils bubble gum. Strung out and used. Go home and climb in your chip bag.

Okay. While I still hate you, I gotta admit something.
You still look horrible, but the combination of the hair up in that cute messy bun, mixed with that purple sundress... You may yet pass for human. You have never worn sleeveless before. What made you do that? Are you SURE you wanna be out here in that? Well, okay then. Make a fool of yourself.

Can we talk about that lipstick?
I didn't know that you had such pouty lips. I guess they always hid behind that double chin that you used to have. I never noticed them before. I am not sure when you lost the extra chin, but you did. You can lift your head a little higher with that. Just make sure next time to dumb down the eyeshadow if you are gonna wear that lipstick. There is just too much going on.

Okay, I admit it, I wanted to see what you were doing today.
I wanted to be sure that you were not headed to a costume party. I mean, I have never thought I would see you dressed up AND with makeup on. You hair is even done! Where are you going? Who is he? No. Go home. This is a joke and you are gonna get hurt. Don't look at me like that! This was YOUR choice. Why you would choose yellow. Black is slimming! He is just humoring you. There is no way he could be interested in a beast like you. Just go home.

No. I don't wanna see it.
I don't. You are gross. I hate that gold ring that comes out of no where. I hate that lipstick that plumps your lips. You look overdone and clownish. See, even in this living room light... Wait.. Do that turn again. Are your calves really that tight? Like, is there muscle definition there? With those heels, they are starting to look halfway human! Don't fall today.... without a camera recording so I can watch.

Wait. Come back.
I wanna see those eyes again. I know the gold ring... but I like that purple shadow. It brings out the green overall. It is kinda turning into a nice balance as you get it figured out what is to much and what isn't when it comes to that paste that you slather on your face. There may be hope for you yet! Rock that pony as you head out for coffee. There may be people out there that might not throw up today!

When did you start standing so tall?
You seem to hold yourself a little better anymore. I almost don't recognize you. You are slimmer than you used to be. You seem to want to take care of yourself. You are wearing clothes that fit but don't squeeze you. Does this have something to do with that gym you keep going to? Why are you still going? The changes are getting really noticeable and those guys that talk to you are going to stop soon. They know that you don't need their help anymore.

I see you.
Push that bar. I know it is hard, but look at those muscles flex! Look at that POWER. You are rocking that power pony, kicking it with those killer quads, and pumping out those awesome abs! You are womanhood personified! When did you start taking out the blubber? Girl, you are looking like a human!

Come on! Look again!
Please? I know you wanna look. Your eyes are sparkling today. They seem to catch the light really well. Your hair is looking better than ever as well. Who knew that workouts and eating right would give you luscious locks? Makeup is all done and you are set for taking on the world. You may have some of this figured out. Maybe the world will look back today. Maybe.

Okay, I see you.
I have started to see you everywhere. I see you at the mall. I see you at the store. I see you in the parking lot. Maybe it is time to admit that you are looking for me as well. No? I think you are, but if you wanna live a lie, I will sit back and wait for your next glace my way.

Goodness you are pretty today.
The sun is hitting your silky hair and making it shine. You are walking with confidence and standing tall. Your eyelashes are playing tricks and seeming to almost brush your cheekbones. The small blush that you get when you have been laughing is better than any makeup that you could apply. You should smile more. It makes your eyes sparkle.

You did it.
You admit that you want to see me as well. It's about time. I was tired of sitting there. Tired of hiding. It's okay to check me out. I know I sure check you out. Every time I see you. I give you the once over. I see the color change in your eyes. I see you flex to see your progress at the gym. I see you straiten your shirt. I see it all. Between you and me. I am starting to like it. I like that you are searching me out once in a while. Just don't get caught up in looking for me. I'll be there. I will always be there. Just look up. When you brush your teeth. When you choose your shoes. When you try on that dress at the mall. I'll be there. I may not have always been a friend, but as long as you keep this self love, I will be there
Because we are beautiful.

-Love: Your reflection

-written by Chelsey